Friday, May 8, 2009

you thought that you could outrun sorrow

I have been running back and forth ferrying clients from the waiting room to my desk, my desk back out to the waiting room like a crazy person all morning. With the sun emerges all the people who need to recertify their Food Stamp cases do as well; what you may not realize is that people who ride the bus or have unreliable transportation do not keep appointments on rainy days. I learned this some time ago, and when I wake up to thunder and lightning my first thought is no longer "O Goddamn, I wish I could stay in bed all day," but "Yay, I will have so many no-shows and can catch up on work hardcore." Needless to say, the rainyness of this week has had me spoiled. Not to mention the fact that I called out of work Tuesday based primarily on the uneasy night's sleep I had, which was most notably punctuated at around 3:00 AM by a dream in which my bed and home were completely infested with a particular species of black ticks that had a white dot on their backs. I awoke from this dream scratching my arms and legs and chest and neck frantically, and immediately took the cat into the bathroom to inspect him for fleas. I found none. I believe this dream was a message that I need to buy Frontline for my cats.

But it costs $60 every other month!

But you need to buy it. Or else you'll get fleas. Like you did last summer.

(The sound of hysterical crying)

I have been abstaining from coffee in the morning, which may explain my notable absence from LTA as well as Twitter. When I'm not unbelivably jacked up on caffeine, I find myself with notably less to say.

After several tragic and annoying debacles, nearly every one of our precious tomato/zucchini/pepper/basil seedlings were destroyed. This culminated in our landlord somehow chopping the tender top off every potted plant on our front walk with brutal, careless weed whacking. But you know what I said? I said "FUCK THIS NOISE. YOU CAN KILL ALL MY PLANTS, LANDLORD, NEIGHBOR'S DOG, REGULARLY FLOODED FLOWERBED IN THE BACKYARD, BUT YOU'LL NEVER KILL MY DESIRE TO GROW THINGS." And I went to the nursery and I got an orange pepper plant and a Green Zebra tomato and another heirloom variety, and then I went to Home Depot and I bought some ridiculously large pots because Martha said that when you're growing vegetables in pots, they have to be at least 15 gallons, and I planted them. And I think they're growing. I can't say for sure.

This weekend will be full of fun because Brandon's brother and his fiancee (God, I hate that word I hate that word) are coming to town, and we wish to squire them around and show them why we love Memphis. We're going to the farmer's market and the symphony (free tickets) and maybe to Mud Island. Hoping to hook up with Bette since she'll be in town for Bands Not Bombs. So, Go Away Rain! You can come back on Monday and give me a vacation from interviews.

One more thing: I have been using Tom's of Maine apricot-scented deodrant, and I find that at the beginning of the day, my pits smell like apricot. The middle of the day? Apricot flavored BO. By the end of the day, straight up BO. Which is kind of fine with me, because I think we Americans are an oversanitized lot, and I'm not one to squelch the natural workings of my body. But it is pretty funny to smell like a piece of rotting fruit by 3:00 every day.


schmutzfynk said...

i used to work with an earthy type who was weaning herself off deodorant. she read that if you don't use anti-perspirant for 5 years then your b.o. stops smelling bad.

i use lavendar or calendula myself and have grown to appreciate my own personal end of the day bouquet.

Bette said...

Dusty never wore deoderant when we got together. I always thought he smelled wonderful--I fully believe in the whole pheremones/attraction thing--and was so reluctant to start using it again. Now he has to have it. It's really too bad.

My pots are way smaller than 15 gallons, so I might be screwed!

ashley la rouge said...

I use the honeysuckle rose stuff, which smells so good that I'm sad when it wears off. I have found that there's nothing wrong with reapplying, and it's effective on your already existing b.o. Like Amy, I kinda dig smelling like a human, but it takes some getting used to, especially now that the heat is ramping and we'll all be smelling pretty human with or without anti-perspirant.

You guys should come to see the Asylum Street Spankers tonight at the Hi-Tone. Good times.

Chrystal M. Smith said...

I definetely don't like smelling like a human; especially considering the fact that my brand of human stench is so bad. My feet get deo, under my boobs gets deo, between my tired belly rolls gets deo. I put deo on my butt crack too.

I'm going to post a picture of my homemade topsy turvy tomato sometime soon. It is so big.

Quinta das Abelhas said...

funny reading your post today (i have a big backlog of blogs to catch up with) cos yesterday in bed i caught a whiff of my armpits and i swear they smelt like tinned tomato soup ... weird xxx


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